Fear Experiment #2 – Pick Up Chicks
Step 1: Go up to a random female stranger
Step 2: Start a conversation
Step 3: Try to get her number
This is the second experiment in the Fear Series. Every week in the month of January, I try to do one thing that scares me. This is in order to practice overcoming fear. If you haven’t already, check out the How to Overcome Fear post!
Why am I doing this?
Okay so to make things clear, the point of this exercise is not to actually pick up girls. But I’m doing this because social situations often make me quite anxious and going up to a random girl and explicitly trying to “woo” her is pretty scary to me. So in order to practice overcoming fear, I’m doing this thing that scares me. Also to be honest, even sharing this post is kinda scary so… double kill.
If we’re growing, we’re always going to be out of our comfort zone.
-John C. Maxwell
So, as outlined in How to Overcome Fear, I’m trying out the techniques:
- Practice – Going up to random girls scares me, so I will do it as bravery training.
- Assess the danger – Removing all emotion and fear of embarrassment, I’ll think about it… What’s the worst case? The girl will think I’m stupid and not want to give me the time of day. Then what? Nothing really… Nothing lost. Will doing this bring harm to me or anyone else? Unlikely. Great. Onward.
- Forget the outcome – Okay. The outcome doesn’t matter. Whether I succeed at getting a number or not is irrelevant. The goal is not to succeed. The goal is to try. That definitely relieves the pressure. I’m doing this for the sake of growth.
If this doesn’t go well, it still means I’ve overcome a fear. There’s no down side. So here goes. (I’ll update this post below after I’ve done it)
Woah! Okay so I was supposed to do this in the second week of January. But I failed the first time. And when I say I failed, I mean I failed to try. I was out at a bar but for most of the night I saw no opportunity. There were only a handful of females and the ones that were there were like 2x my age or with partners. But then a couple of young ladies came in. And my friend pointed out to me that this is my opportunity. But I chickened out! And what made it worse was what my friend said – “As expected.” Man, I felt like a FAILURE. I set out to overcome this fear and I chickened out.
But then I reminded myself: failure is part of the process. It’s not a bad thing (for more thoughts on this, check out my post – Failure – The Key to Success). So I meditated on the fact that failure is simply a lesson, and to allow failure to accelerate growth, I must analyze my failure and adjust my approach next time.
So I did that and I realized that what stopped me was my mindset. I was focusing too much on the outcome. I didn’t internalize the idea that the goal was to try and whatever actually happened didn’t matter. So I adjusted that mindset by repeating it over and over to myself: The goal is not to succeed; the goal is to try. And eventually I internalized that and was ready to try this again.
So I went out to another bar last week, determined to pick up chicks! So I got there with my wingman and the place was almost empty! There were maybe 6 females and they didn’t really look my age. But that made sense… Why would I go to a bar on a Monday night?? So I called it an L and decided to just chill and have a drink with my bro.
But at some point in the night, I thought, “Hold on. What exactly is stopping me from going through with this? It doesn’t matter how old these people are or how awkward it is. The goal is to overcome a fear.” So I said to my friend, “Yo… I’m gonna do it. And you’re gonna tell me when. So as soon as you say ‘now’, I’m gonna get up and go.”
The word was said. So up I got and off I went.
I walked up to the girl who looked closest to my age (maybe 5 years older). Here’s how the convo went (more or less):
Her: Woah! [I startled her I guess]. Hi
Me: (Chuckle) Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you but I just think you’re really lovely. Can I have your number? [Lol… zero build up]
Her: (Laughter) … No you have to see me three times before you can get my number
Me: (Laughter) What? Why?
Her: That’s just my rule. So you need to see me two more times.
Me: Okay so… [Then I looked away then looked back twice]
Her: Noooo that’s not how it works…
…. then we had a fun little conversation and I spoke a bit to her cousin who was there with her. It was a funny interaction. I didn’t end up getting her number but she added me on Snapchat haha.
So even though I didn’t get a number, I think that was definitely a success. Because I tried. And that felt good.
Overcoming fear feels GOOD! I definitely feel more confident than I did before that interaction. I no longer think it’s such a big deal going up to a random girl. It might not seem like much but it’s crazy how much we can grow from simple things. I’m definitely gonna practice this more. Trust me… if we pree growth, the possibilities are endless.
I can safely say that I have grown. That’s dope.
My 3rd fear experiment is gonna be a bit different. I’m gonna do a standing backflip! I’m pretty sure I can do one but I’ve been terrified to ever since I landed on my face trying one about 5 years ago. Stay tuned!